I had no response. “Everyone prays to get healed here Teresa. It’s a Cancer Center.”
Dr. Scott Timperly was utterly baffled trying to reconcile the lab results she held in front of her with everything western medicine had taught her.
“I suppose I would call it a miracle, I don’t have any other explanation” she said. Seeming both genuinely happy for me and utterly perturbed she had no satisfactory explanation her question lingered in my heart long after I left.
“But why you?”
The truth was I had no idea. There are many disqualifying markers that would indicate I could never merit a miracle. To my disgrace I merited nothing but by His grace, I merited mercy and forgiveness through my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Never the less “numbers don’t lie” and as my multiple lab reports confirmed, I was the one patient my oncologist was stumped by. “I’ve always believed miracles could happen, but till now I’ve never seen one” she said shaking her head.
If a medically certified phenomenon was not enough of a thorn in their side, those close to me were even more perturbed when I shared other long held, sacred encounters I’ve had with the miraculous. Many people are embarrassed or offended by a vibrant faith in Jesus Christ despite their Christian nomenclature. The name of Jesus is a hot button igniting strong emotions on both sides of the spectrum, but that’s a conversation for another day.
Doing a study on the life of Moses I carefully read the remarkable, dramatic highs and the lows of this servants life. The murder of a man in his prime, life as a fugitive, his marriage to an idol worshiping woman and the uncircumcised son that almost cost him everything, just to name a few. Imagine the Lord personally coming to your abode with the intention of killing you???
That’s what happened to this deliverer of Israel who was only spared when his Midianite wife quickly cut the foreskin of her son. “Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me” she declared. (Exodus 4:24) Moses, God’s great messenger who would bring the Torah and represent the heart of God to his people had violated the very sign of the covenant.
Yet God did not destroy him, he forgave him.
If black marks on one’s life record were able to disqualify us from our divine call we would have never heard Moses’ name. But as Moses repented, greatly humbled himself and resolved to surrender and obey God’s commands, the miraculous flourished in his life. It literally became his daily bread! (Manna in the wilderness; Exodus 16)
Moses went on to be heralded not only as the deliverer of Israel, the receiver of the Torah, the hero of the Jews but God himself described him as utterly unique. “Hear my words: If there is a prophet among you, I the Lord make myself known to him in a vision; I speak with him in a dream. Not so with my servant Moses. He is faithful in all my house. With him I speak mouth to mouth, clearly and not in riddles, and he beholds the form of the Lord.” (Numbers 12)
So what was it about Moses that enabled him to receive and embrace the miraculous? And what is it about you, me, or anyone else that enables us to touch heaven? I believe insight for this is given in Exodus chapter 19. “The Lord came down on Mount Sinai, to the top of the mountain. And the Lord called Moses to the top of the mountain, and Moses went up.”
During intensely difficult times of my life and in the crucible of my affliction I sought, then heard and responded to God calling me to GO UP. Go up the mountain to a place of solitude and communion with Him in His Divine Presence. With all my heart, soul, mind and strength, I did so and He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. The subsequent experience resulted in one too holy, too overwhelming and other worldly to even attempt to speak of it. With the exception of my mother and father I kept it hidden in my heart for forty years. That I would discover was great wisdom. Upon the discovery of another health crisis in my life, I did the same.
Moses died at 120 years old and the scripture says “his eyesight hadn’t failed and his strength hadn’t diminished.” (Deuteronomy 34: 5-7) Twice Moses went up into the Presence of God for forty days at a time and existed without food or water during that period. That is not possible in the earthly realm, but Moses stepped out of the earthly realm and existed in the Spirit realm with God, as the angels do. In that spirit realm he was transformed, so much so his face shone as an angel’s when he returned to his people. (Exodus 34:29)
God’s Holy Spirit is utterly life giving. Disease, despair and all forms of darkness can not exist in His Presence. His Spirit heals, renews, refreshes, transforms. It can alter your cells, modify your DNA and regenerate your mind, spirit and soul. His Spirit filled me with joy, gave me unspeakable peace even in the time of trouble. He utterly removed my life long struggle with insomnia and gave me the sleep of the beloved. That to me seemed an even greater miracle.
So what should my answer have been to “Why You???” I understand more now. The very nature and substance of God is that of a merciful healer and deliverer. He transforms from the deepest place of the heart and the body simply complies with His healing essence. He is love, light, mercy and holiness. The shed blood of His holy lamb, Jesus makes a way for us to come before Him without judgment and to be changed by His Divine Presence.
He renewed my youth, decimated my disease and healed deep wounds from a painful past. The scripture says, “He is no respecter of persons.” The only qualification is repentance and a heart hungry and thirsty for truth. For Him.
I now understand my sickness was never a punishment and my healing was never a REWARD. It was the RESULT of truly being in the Presence of God.